Like this:

My left foot, left arm, left hand, left finger, and pretty much the entire left side of my body is estranged from the rest of myself (the right side)…

There is an oddity in me that just doesn’t sit right; it’s almost as if I’m two people at once, two co-existing halves that don’t really synch up…at least not all the time. The right side of my body presents with very few symptoms of anything really. It’s calm cool collected, and more importantly in control. My left site however is another story. I honestly believe that it is the reason I fall over try to attempt irrational things, and flail about controllably when no one is looking. All the tics come from that side.

But there are other reasons to fear the left side of my body…

Examples:

When I get a cold my nose is only blocked on the left side. The right side of my body breathes “right” always.

I can voluntarily contract the muscles around my left eye causing it to visibly shrink compared to my right eye (odd I know, but try it and you’ll see it’s not really possible without a lot of concentration. I do this as easily as cutting through butter.) When I do perform this feat I look like I’m trying to make someone’s head explode [ editor's note: I'm pretty sure he's not a Scanner as he hasn't tried to make my head pop off, and I haven't seem him make anyone's nose bleed just by thinking about it ]

The left side of my body constantly “tingles” like a never ending stream of pins and needles, or an ever sense of waking [ ed: awakening? ] from some hellish existence that has been heretofore nothing more than “The Fleshmeat…”

I have considerable pain in the left side of my back…always, and my left foot is constantly numb.

I hear better out of my left ear than my right.

I have no sense of touch in my left hand.

My left big toe curves slightly inward.

All this I’ve lived with for most of my life, and until recently I had no clue that any of this meant anything other than I was hanging “a bit to the left.”

My Dyslectria seems to come from the left side of my body. When I touch things with my right hand the effect is for the most part mundane in comparison to what happens when I use my left.

While my research is in its infancy and anecdotal at best,  I can’t tell you more than the above. My physician he thinks I’m insane, and he has yet to see evidence of my electronic destruction.

There is a phenomenon known as Chimerism which I am looking into that might fit my left / right situation in which two halves of a person come from two completely different eggs, and thus Chimers are two people in one.

I shall keep monitoring and waiting, and of course I will inform you as I learn more.

Like this:

I’ve got electricity between the ears these days. Not sure what’s causing it, but I can tell you that what I’m feeling is *REAL*. For about one week now my iPhone headset has been crackling non-stop and trying to electrocute me. I hear the crackle then a litttle zing which makes me jump.

I use my head phones exclusively (not matter which mobile phone I own at the time) and while I have to say the iPhone headsets are some of the cleanest and clearest I’ve heard they’re hardly durable. Thankfully since my iPhone is less than 3 months old it and the headset are still under warranty. I’m not sure they’re expecting to see headphone so ravaged, but fuck ‘em it’s their guarantee to me, right?

Today I called the local Apple store and spoke to one of their geniuses and explained the problem to them:

Genius: What is the problem sir?

Me: Call me sir when I’m knighted. My name’s Sandeep.

Genius: Sandy?

Me: No. Sandeep.

Genius: How do you spell that?

(At this point I already see the conversation headed out of town far away from my question so I redirect)

Me: S-A-N-D-Y

Genius: Oh. Sandy. Ok what can I do for you?

Me: My iPhone headphones are busted.

Genius: In what way?

Me: I’m getting shocks from them.

Genius: Um…Oh! That doesn’t sound right.

Me: Yep. This isn’t he first time either. The same thing happened with my Samsung Jack II headset way back in the day.

Genius: So how are you getting shocks?

Me: They electrocute me. They crackle and then fire a charge of electricity from one eardrum straight to the other, stopping only to cause minor brain damage on the way through.

Genius: Um…Can I put you on hold?

Me: Sure.

<After a short wait of a minute or two my genius comes back to me with this gem>

Genius: I’m sorry for the wait.

Me: Yes?

Genius: We’ll schedule an appointment for you to come in and we can take a look a them and see what we can do. They are under warranty if its less than one year.

Me: Great.

<We schedule a time>

Genius: When you come to the store for your appointment just look for someone with a blue shirt and they’ll help you, or you can go straight to the Genius bar and tell them that you’re here.

Me: Does your Genius bar serve drinks?

Genius: No.

Me: Ok then I’ll see you tomorrow and deal with your crazy onsite support service. In the mean time what should I do with the head phones?

Genius: Detach them from the phone so you don’t cause yourself or your phone any damage.

The funny thing is that since I did start unplugging the headset I’ve found the batter life on my iPhone runs longer. Am I draining the battery through a potential short in the headset wiring? I’m not sure yet, but I do believe that I’m not just destroying things; I’m sucking out their electrical charges and storing them within me.

More investigating to do. I’ll let you know what Apple says.

Jan 12, 2011 UPDATE:

I went to the Apple Store in the west island of Montreal yesterday and I was late for my appointment (of course). My lateness of being having nothing really to do with Apple’s incredible booking system. Ten minute appointments booked online, pushed right down to the iPad being held by the “Genius” greeter…really? Genius? I still can’t get over that Apple hi-jacked that word for their in store support staff.

Late as a I was I entered and spoke to the Genius. He told me that I would have to book another appointment. So I did, but not without the standard complaint of “I have to go, I’m on my way to see TRON 2.0 in UltraAVX (3D with Rocker Seats).” The manager came by and asked me what was wrong. I told her that the headset was sending electric shocks into my ear, and she proceeded to tell me that it was not the head set and that what I was experiencing was being winter in Canada is very dry and it is actually an atmospheric effect. No really.

After I finished laughing I told her that I was going to leave and just mail the headset back to head office because the whole kit was meant to be under warranty for the first year anyway. She ducked into the back and returned not five minutes later with a brand new pair of headphones with remote control.

We exchanged, and I walked out of the store quite content and fully cognizant that Apple’s flavour of evil is mint.

As a note there have been no more electric shocks to my eardrum with the new headset in spite of Canadian winters being dry…Genius indeed!

Like this:

Either you’ve  got it, or you don`t. That’s what they say of puny human skills and talents. Just because you’ve got it doesn’t mean you know about it. Worse still you may know that you’ve got it, but you’ll never have a chance to perform in an arena where that skill or talent will be recognized and you elevated to the level of Grand Master.

In simpler terms:

Look out your window, and try to see the driver in the first car that zips by. That person is the world’s greatest Formula 1 driver. You know it, but they may not. They may know it, but they will never have the opportunity to get behind the wheel of an F1 car and show off those talents. A huge opportunity just drove by you.

But what if they did know, or at least what if they were vaguely aware that they had some ability. Would it burn inside them? Would they feel uncomfortable? Would they seek to find out what it was that they had?

I am that driver; a person with an uncanny and strange ability.

I’ve known for quite sometime now that something was amiss. After speaking with a number of friends we’re pretty sure that I’m storing up electrical charge in my body at much higher levels than regular humans…sort of like a living capacitor. Every now and again the charge goes off and things get wonky from there.

Electronics seem to die. Servers, desktops, laptops, phones, cell phones, watches, TVs, cars, lights, wiring and the like.

Even more odd mechanical components seem to melt.

This is not an everyday occurrence, but in recent years it’s been getting worse.

Most recently I destroyed a gas station and my car in one shot (I’ll post that story later with pictures of course)...that being the second gas station that I destroyed.

My furthest memory of goes back to high school sometime around 1984 when I stopped wearing watches. I stopped because they kept dying on me. Brand new watches wouldn’t last more than 3 months on my person.

Those in the know won’t let me touch their phones or their laptops for fear that things will fall apart. In case you’re wondering yes I have a cell and a few computers…hell I work with in Information Technology…I’m typing on my laptop as you read this.

The dysletria doesn’t affect things around me all the time, just some of them most of the time. This laptop that I’m using is my second one since August 2010. The first one is mostly dead and required a new keyboard. Thankfully when I purchased this laptop I got a second one for just this reason–in the past 5 years I believe I’ve gone through 10 laptops.

Until I got my iPhone I was going through a cell phone every 2 – 4 months now its a little better. I got my iPhone 4 on Sept. 30, 2010, and it’s been back into Apple 3 times since then, but its still the same phone…now that’s an improvement! Sadly the headset started tazing my inner ear a day or two ago so it’s back to the Apple Geniuses; that name’s really gotta be fixed too…

(sigh)

Like this:

This is my inaugural post for this blog. Nothing too long, but something to let you know what I’m feeling, and what I’m doing to try and get a grip on my superpower.

Yes you read correctly my superpower.

I have come to learn over the past 20 years that I do in fact have a superpower. I’ve managed to confirm it through 3rd parties (albeit not scientifically) in the past 10 years, and for about 2 years I’ve been trying to harness and understand it.

My superpower I’ve dubbed Dyslectria, and the moniker I have chosen is The Dyslectric Man.

I have randomly (and more recently on purpose) destroyed commercial electronic devices, and worn away mechanical timepieces to the point of being unsynchronized and eventually–as for all things–a general degradation ending in death–the most ultimate end.

But I am trying to understand what it is that I do, how I do it, and how I can use it to enrich my life and the lives of others.

In time I will search for that the event that has caused me to take on this new ability. I shall of course include photographic evidence where possible of the oddities that abound.

I am not just human.

I am dyslectric.